i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
