i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
