you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
