yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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