Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize