Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
