Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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