Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize