she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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