Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
