he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My friends, they love my intelligence
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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