You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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