what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
