So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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