so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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