he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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