I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
