I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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