What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
