omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
