He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
