So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize