Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
