All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize