I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize