I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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