Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize