i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
