Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
