This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
whose parrot is this?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
