I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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