Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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