in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
