conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
