but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
