I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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