So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
