in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
