it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize