how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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