Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
