I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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