I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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