Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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