the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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