At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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