Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize