New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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