i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
