No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
