I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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