After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
