I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
