Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
