I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
