you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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