I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
