3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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