Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
me + whiskey = a bad person
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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