you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
