Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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