I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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