I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize