Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
