If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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