I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize