I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
