if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize