I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
