Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
