As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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