Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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